The Spectrum of Suvian Species
Discovered by DMSE&R Scientists Bill Fallis and Lori Starrett in 2008, the Spectrum of Suvian Species determines the approximate level of glitter in a Mary Sue’s bloodstream by said Sue’s species. The species are arranged by popularity and power. This spectrum is only a rough schematic. Actual glitter levels may vary depending on the speshulness of the Sue. The Spectrum 0 GL (Glitter Level) A well-rounded, balanced Original Character with no signs of Suedom whatsoever. I should either pat you on the back or berate you for being so frakking conservative; I can’t choose. 1-30 GL A well-rounded, balanced Original Character with minor traits attributed to Suedom. Nothing of importance. Maybe they just share the same fangirlish instincts when confronted with their Lust Object. 31-60 GL A rounded, kinda balanced Original Character with moderate and/or minor traits attributed to Suedom. Not too shabby, but might not be good enough for a PPC Agent. Of course, that’s for the Permission Giver to decide. 61-90 GL Borderline Sue. Watch out! 91-100 GL Really Really Pushing It Borderline Sue. You might want to stop before you give her a retinue of pink fairies, because that’ll lead to… 101-200 GL Classic!Sue. Also known as the Dumb Blonde Barbie!Sue, with her grossly big chest and bubblegum-chewing habits. And her long blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes, too, come to think of it. Also included in this range is the ever-famous Saintly!Sue, who can do no wrong. Common Classifications Puella perfecta, Puella recentis, Puella mirabilis 201-300 GL Numerology Wrecking!Sue. The Tenth Member of the Fellowship, the Fifth King or Queen of Narnia, the Fourth member of the Golden Trio... these Sues love to mess with numbers and basically drive all Canon-loving people insane. Included in this range is the Scene Stealer!Sue, who mangles and plagarizes lines to her heart's content, and the Emo Wangsty Goth!Sue, who HAETS ALL PREPZ ND POZERZ and CUTZ HRSULF CUZ SHES BORD. Common Classifications Puella occupatus, Miles vagus, Puella numeroconfracta, Miles mediumundi, Puella cruciata, Mulier doluta 301-400 GL Hey Look, I'm Related To A Canon Character!Sue. She's the sister of Harry Potter, the cousin of Frodo Baggins, the daughter of Laura Roslin. The more important the character is, the better. It doesn't matter who the characters are. Who's up for some Galadriel/Gandalf lovin'? (Nope, didn't think so.) Also included in this range are (oddly enough?) the Vampire, Witch, and Elf!Sues. Common Classifications Nympha sidhea tolkiena, Nympha angita perfecta, Filia gratuita, Magus supervacanea, Diabola meretricus recentis, Diabola gothica gratuita, Soror gratuita 401-500 GL I Got Run Over By A Truck And Now I'm In Middle-earth!Sue. Commonly known as the Girl Who Falls Into Middle-earth (And Tap-dances On The Canon), this Sue seems to have mastered the art of going transdimensional without knowing it. In this range is also the I Used To Be A Human!Sue, who gets transformed into the authoress' desired species, and the I Summoned A Canon Character!Sue. Common Classifications Puella translata transformis, Muliercula pecuniosa ridicula, Puella recentis prophesida 501-600 GL GIRL POWER!Sue. Men are weaklings! Man, they stink! I can beat them; they don't think! (Sorry for that terrible piece of doggerel, by the way) These Sues go off the deep end with feminism. If there's anything a Fellowship member can do, Mary Sue can and will do it better! She needs no man! Except for the authoress' lust object, that is. Also within this range is the I'm A Cross Between Two Un-Crossable Species!Sue. Common Classifications Muliercula insolentis, Puella mixta impossibilis '' '''601-700 GL' Suvian Spirits. These include the Canon Sue, the First Person!Sue, and the Second Person!Sue. Also within this range is the Goddess!Sue. Common Classifications Dea dubiosa, Regula fictus 701-800 GL The Gary Stus. He's the really hot new teacher at Hogwarts. Or the really hot new elf. Or the mage who falls for Susan Pevensie. Also in this range is the Super!Sue, who upstages and outstages (if that's a word) everyone in the universe. Common Classifications Diabolus insolentis, Magus cupidus, Muliercula superioria 800+ GL None recorded yet. Perhaps future research will tell. "Peaceful" deSue-ification? According to the lab performed after this discovery, it was revealed that typical bloodsucking animals like vampire bats and medicinal leeches are capable of decreasing Glitter levels. That is, if said animals are either trained or genetically modified to suck out Glitter rather than blood. Other methods, like hemodialysis, dwarf hair, dwarf saliva, and modified Embryo Extraction Kits were also discovered to be able to decrease the level of Glitter in a Mary Sue's body. Of course, the process is overwhelmingly painful, because removing Glitter from a Sue is like pulling teeth; it's an important part of a Mary Sue. Out of all of the eight methods tested in the lab, it turns out that genetically modified vampire bats were the most effective. The modified debugger was the second most effective, and hemodialysis the third. These three methods did not decrease a Sue's glitter level to acceptable limits, but they did cause a lot of pain and removed the most Glitter from their victims specimens. Category:PPC Science Category:Sue and Stu Classifications